Since I have been on this open type blog thing lately, and exploring too much of my life, I thought it would be helpful to explain who this person is...as well, she seems to pop up in almost every post of mine.
Holmes©
As of today, I have seen or communicated with Holmes© every day for the last 8,037 days. Yes, my whole life. So, she almost the central point of my day, and it is no wonder that I talk to her every single day, at least 3 times. Now, keep in mind that Holmes© lives less than 3 miles away from my house, and in the same community as my dad (its less than a tenth of a mile...) She has lived there since about '83.
Basically our routine was always, Go to school, then ride the bus to Holmes©'s house. Now, because we are her only 2 grandchildren, we were always well protected. (over protected.). She refused to let us walk the few steps from the corner to her house. So she drove her car. Yes. My grandmother, Holmes© drove her car a distance of a few hundred feet. (Dont ask.) When we got to her house, we had to give her our lunchboxes to clean. Holmes© told our parents we shouldnt eat from the cafeteria, and that we should take our lunches. Throughout school, I always took my lunch. [of course my Middle/High School did not have a lunch program, so you had no choice, but by that time, I took grocery bag lunches, which Holmes© frowned upon...] After the lunchbox cleaning, we watched tv.
Except for Fridays.
Fridays, well, we had dinner at her house. This dinner was always...hearty? Other kids on friday would talk about how they were having pizza! Chinese! We had...Turkey wings, stuffing, green beans, and rolls. Lol. Now it is imperative that I mention that Holmes© hates cooking. Quite a bit. She refuses to cook nowadays.
Anyway, as we got even older, in our pre-teens and teens, we (me especially) became closer to Holmes© as my Dad had remarried. She couldnt stand that former wife of my fathers, and when me and that damn BITCH would cross me, I would call her, and she would usually let me stay at her house on my Dad's weekends. So, I ended up being her unofficial 4th child. (And of course my brother is the 5th, but he is more of a Mamas boy than I am).
But I feel that the thing that makes her herself is that Holmes© is known for not holding her tongue, and well, her unique perspective on life. And this is where we all die laughing.
Holmes© on video games:
"Jeffrey (my brother), do you know this game has shooting...WITH GUNS?!"
Holmes© on Sex:
Holmes©: I am trying to tell you, she was reading a book dealin wit sex !
Me: What was the name of the book.
Holmes©: [sighs] DEALINS WIT SEX!
Holmes© and her purses:
Holmes©:You need lots of purses. Imma get me a Coochie Purse next.
Me: [laughing] I think you mean Gucci.
Holmes©: Whateva!
Holmes© and QVC
Holmes©: I dont order from QVC anymore.
My Brother: YOU JUST GOT A PACKAGE YESTERDAY!
Holmes©: That was a back order.
(Note: this is a weekly conversation.)
Holmes© and Computers..
Me: Yeah, my cousin is on facebook, I saw that he wrote on someones wall yesterday.
Holmes©: HE DID?! Imma call your aunt, he knows better than that! HOODLUM!
Holmes©: Computers are the devil.
Me: Why?
Holmes©: all these sites, have yawl heard of this my spacebook tweeter?
Me: you mean facebook and myspace? We are on both of them!
Holmes©: Why are yawl on them SEX SITES?! They publish books like DEALINS WIT SEX!
Yes, how we all love Holmes©. Even though she can drive you nuts, you cant help but to love her. And funny thing, every 1 of mine and my brothers friends love her! So Holmes© this blog is dedicated to you! and its her mothers day gift, since she got nasty with me the other day! HA!
[Well, lets do one last story]
Feb 2008:
Me: Holmes, I just got sick from the Subway tuna. Don't eat that. I was gagging and puking!
Holmes©: I told you! Always eating out. Now I bet you will sit down now...[I really dont know why she tells us we will sit down now...lol]
Me: (sighing) I know....
Holmes©: Thats why I dont eat it, I will make my own tuna.
April 8th 2009
Me: So Holmes, what time is the Memorial, I will go this year since you want me to!
Holmes©: It is at 730 tomorrow, we will be there at 545 to pick you and jeff up.
Me: okay!
April 9th 2009 12:30 pm
Me: Alright see you at 5:45?
Holmes©: Yes, I will be there, dont keep asking me, I am always there and on time.
April 9th 2009, 6:00 pm
Me: Where is Holmes©?
Mean ol' Aunt Michele: She wasnt feeling good.
Me: Hmm...
April 10th 2009 8:00am
Me: Holmes, how are you feeling?
Holmes©: I am okay, I am sippin on some water now.
Me: What made ya sick?
Holmes©: Well son, on Wednesday I went to Subway and got me a Tuna Sub. And yesterday, after I talked to you, I felt sick and then last night, i just kept throwing up, oh my goodness it...[
Holmes© always goes into a few too many details...]
Me: (fussing) I TOLD YOU NOT TO EAT THE TUNA!
Holmes©: Well, I dont pay attention to what you say, your foolish anyway.
LOL gotta love her.
Comments (2)
LMAO!! I want a Coochie purse!
Holmes is out of control! This really put a smile on my face.
@JeNeSaisQuoi86 - Lol exactly, but this is just the tip of the iceburg. LOL we just found out that one of our cousins is gay...Lol that was hillarious.
"What do I say? This is my nephews Wife? or Husband? His "Lover"? I don't know! This is confusing."
LMAO...